Been a while as my dad pointed out today. Guess I have been afraid of sounding too negative so I just decided not to post.

The boys have been rotating houses this summer. Iz's mom has been keeping one for a week periodically. This week is Tyler's turn. He was so excited to get to spend time with his "G". He and Cole went to camp for 5 days the last of June and seemed to have a good time. I think Tyler got more out of it than Cole, but Cole is having some attitude problems right now, so who knows, he may have enjoyed himself and just decided to say it wasn't that great to irritate me. Trapper played golf with Iz the other day and is really excited about it. He has his own set of clubs and keeps asking when they can go again. If the rain would slow down a bit, it might be a little easier to get out on the course. Tyler has been taking tennis lessons and seems to like them. I am hoping to get him a raquet for his birthday, but I am trying to hold out until I know he is serious about it.

I have booked a 4 day vacation in Corpus with my friend Michelle and all 7 of our kids for the second week in August. I'm wondering how crazy the two of us actually are. Hopefully this is a vacation that will actually happen. The week of July 27th thru August 4th I will be in Lufkin opening a new store if all goes as planned. It's so exciting having more stores to refer customers to. I love to see the layout of all the other stores and get new ideas for the Fredericksburg store.

We had to give back our cockatiels this weekend much to my chagrin. When we only had the two, things seemed okay, but then when we got the other three, it was too much. I really think that I am a bird lover, but it doesn't seem to work, noise level wise, with the four boys and a dog in the house. I'm sure Iz's mom will find a good home for them, but I sure am going to miss them. I do think Cheyenne is happy to be the queen around here again. She is less on edge than with the birds here.

As for me, well, I am still wondering where I stand in this crazy world. Yes, I am the mother of four wonderful, even when difficult, boys. I run a shop that is doing rather well despite the economy. I have a nice house and a nice car. I just really wish I could figure out who I am. Who we are. If we are really a we. Right now I am trying to get a grip on the boys and then I will try to get a grip on my life. I want to know eventually that I am finally worth a man's love. I want my past mistakes, or side roads, to not be the final factor in my future. I want to be "the one". I want to know that I have found "the one". It's so hard to live your life not having any inclination what direction the future is headed. I know I will always have four boys. I want to know I will always have a grouchy old man to share my every adventure with as well. Maybe I will come to peace with my life before too long, in the meantime, I guess I will take it one day at a time and enjoy it for what it is.