I am a recluse in troubled times. I guess I just don't want anyone to think of me as weak or uncertain of life's answers. Hence, I have not blogged in a while because everything has been spinning and seems to be trying to unhinge me.

Iz and I are still trying to figure out where we are. It seems we are not any closer to an answer than we were 3 months ago. I want a lasting commitment, he says if I want marriage, find someone else. This should be my sign, but I just have this feeling in the pit of my soul that leaving him is not the answer. But dang it, I want to be married! Why is it that everything else with us works so well, but the one thing that doesn't is HUGE. It's a daily struggle with me to not be a nag about this. I'm so afraid that one day I am going to wake up and say that's enough. I don't know why I am afraid, it's what everyone says I should do. It's just that I really do love him. I don't want to imagine life without him, but I guess sometimes you have to face reality. He would rather me find someone else than marry me himself, so...Ha! there ya go.

Two weeks ago, I ended up with a toothpick jammed into my big toe. My cheap butt thought I would wait it out and hope the piece that broke off inside would work it's way out. That was Saturday night. I also didn't want to pay for a trip to the emergency room. By Monday morning, I was in so much pain it was making me sick to my stomach. I called the doctor. As it turned out, it was so far in there, I had to have surgery at the hospital to get it out. They said it was right against my bone and would have caused an infection in the bone had I not removed it. So...5 stitches and $1500 later, I am toothpick free and my toe is starting to heal up. If I never see another toothpick in my life it won't be long enough!

Tyler punched a boy at school in the stomach on Friday in the locker room while I was out of town. Apparently, this boy had been teasing him for a while and Tyler had had enough. Needless to say, Tyler got 3 days ISS, the boys got 1 day after school detention for cussing. I am not in any way condoning Tyler's actions, but I can see where he was coming from. Kids can just be so cruel.

My cousin, Brandie, passed away last Wednesday from complications due to injuries sustained in a car accident the prior Sunday. Her funeral is in Llano on Friday. She was only 32 years old. She was unmarried and had no children. It really made me think about how quickly life can change. I want to live every day to the fullest. I truly want to be happy and ready to go when it is my time to be called.

We are still working on locations for a new store this next year. I will be a partner in this one. It is very exciting. I have learned so much in the past three years from the Fredericksburg store. I am confident in my ability to take on another one.

It is raining pretty hard here right now. We have limbs scattered all over the yard outside. One of the disadvantages to having so many trees around the house. I sure do love the shade they provide in the summer tho.

Well, I have some work to catch up on so that's all for now. Goodnight!

Been a while as my dad pointed out today. Guess I have been afraid of sounding too negative so I just decided not to post.

The boys have been rotating houses this summer. Iz's mom has been keeping one for a week periodically. This week is Tyler's turn. He was so excited to get to spend time with his "G". He and Cole went to camp for 5 days the last of June and seemed to have a good time. I think Tyler got more out of it than Cole, but Cole is having some attitude problems right now, so who knows, he may have enjoyed himself and just decided to say it wasn't that great to irritate me. Trapper played golf with Iz the other day and is really excited about it. He has his own set of clubs and keeps asking when they can go again. If the rain would slow down a bit, it might be a little easier to get out on the course. Tyler has been taking tennis lessons and seems to like them. I am hoping to get him a raquet for his birthday, but I am trying to hold out until I know he is serious about it.

I have booked a 4 day vacation in Corpus with my friend Michelle and all 7 of our kids for the second week in August. I'm wondering how crazy the two of us actually are. Hopefully this is a vacation that will actually happen. The week of July 27th thru August 4th I will be in Lufkin opening a new store if all goes as planned. It's so exciting having more stores to refer customers to. I love to see the layout of all the other stores and get new ideas for the Fredericksburg store.

We had to give back our cockatiels this weekend much to my chagrin. When we only had the two, things seemed okay, but then when we got the other three, it was too much. I really think that I am a bird lover, but it doesn't seem to work, noise level wise, with the four boys and a dog in the house. I'm sure Iz's mom will find a good home for them, but I sure am going to miss them. I do think Cheyenne is happy to be the queen around here again. She is less on edge than with the birds here.

As for me, well, I am still wondering where I stand in this crazy world. Yes, I am the mother of four wonderful, even when difficult, boys. I run a shop that is doing rather well despite the economy. I have a nice house and a nice car. I just really wish I could figure out who I am. Who we are. If we are really a we. Right now I am trying to get a grip on the boys and then I will try to get a grip on my life. I want to know eventually that I am finally worth a man's love. I want my past mistakes, or side roads, to not be the final factor in my future. I want to be "the one". I want to know that I have found "the one". It's so hard to live your life not having any inclination what direction the future is headed. I know I will always have four boys. I want to know I will always have a grouchy old man to share my every adventure with as well. Maybe I will come to peace with my life before too long, in the meantime, I guess I will take it one day at a time and enjoy it for what it is.

Well, tomorrow is the last day of school. We are leaving for the night to see Iz's little sister graduate and then back home so Iz can be at work Friday night. It will be a super quick trip, good thing his family only lives in Austin. Diana, Iz's mom, generously offered to take the boys on a weekly rotating schedule. Trapper is staying the week first. He is very excited. None of them ever get time by themselves with anyone, so this is a very special treat. Trap knows he will have to go to work with her some of the time, but I think he is excited about that as well.

Cole has his first All-Star tournament this Saturday in Comfort. It is a double elimination so he will play anywhere from 2-4 games. That just sounds exhausting to me...and like a very hot day at the ball park. I know he is very proud to get this honor, and I am very proud of him, but dang the time it takes up in our crazy schedule. The next Saturday is his tournament in Johnson City, where we will also be trading out Chris or Tyler for Trapper with Iz's mom.

Iz caught some monster catfish on Monday and so last night we had a wonderful meal of fried catfish, fried squash (from our garden) and green beans (also from our garden). I think having a meal solely from your own production has to be one of the greatest feelings on Earth. Everything tasted so fresh, the boys tried everything because they helped with it all, and we were all happy at the end of the night.

I am off to try to get some sleep. We are having a thunderstorm at the moment so the birds are anxious, the dog is hiding under the bed, and I imagine, with a good clap of thunder, one or more of the boys will come running in soon. The joys of a house full of life! Happy Wednesday!!!

New Happenings in Fbg

We have had a lot going on lately. Baseball season in finally winding down. The boys have really improved their skills this year. They are a little sad in is ending, but they are signed up for baseball, football and golf camps this summer.

The rain has done wonders for our garden!!!

We have little bell peppers and have green beans on the way.

The squash and cucumbers are blooming.

The tomato bushes are huge and starting to produce and the jalepenos are getting big.

I can't wait to enjoy all the fruit of our labor...if we can just get to it before the catepillars and birds do I will be ecstatic.

We have added to new members to our family.

Meet Peanut and Ella.

Ella was going to be Cinderella per Chris's request, but I talked him down a little.

Peanut has a beautiful head. He seems to be a little calmer than Ella.

I am really enjoying watching these two sweet cockatiels get adjusted to their new environment. Ella cuddles with Peanut at night. She pushes him as far to the edge as she can until he is against the side of the cage. It's just like us at night in bed. Haha! They aren't terribly noisy. They just like to be talked to every now and then. The boys really like them.

Another Week...

It seems like time is in fast forward!!! I can't seem to catch up with anything. The school year is almost over. Tyler is joining the world of "Middle School". Baseball season is only halfway through. Memorial Day is fast approaching, meaning the store will be crazy. All the laundry is done, but Tyler still "has no undies"!!! Soon, we will have to start picking and canning veggies. Megan will be here in no time. What am I gonna do with the boys ALL summer???!!! When am I gonna have time to visit everyone that wants us to visit? Does life ever slow down? I guess I will have plenty of time for "slow" when I'm dead. For now, I will race to the finish line, but it always seems just out of reach.

I need to remind myself to be thankful that the school year is almost over...no more calls from Chris's teacher. Tyler is joining middle school...at least he made it through Elementary alive. Baseball season is halfway through...thank goodness it's not just starting. Memorial Day...YAY!!! The store will be busy!!! Tyler has no undies...unlike the other boys, at least he cares that he has no clean ones and tells me so I can fix it. MMMMM...fresh veggies! I can't wait to see my wonderful sister and my fantastic niece and nephew. Maybe that will force me to take time off to visit everyone. I am thankful to be alive and have all these worries...it sure beats the alternative!!!

Well...that's all folks! Off to take care of the "undie" situation.

This is a picture I took this morning at St. Mary's Cemetery. It is not a wonderful one, but I stopped and took it with my cell phone it was so breath taking. I am going back in the morning to take more with my camera. God is so amazing!

It's been a while

Well, life has been crazy, so it's been a while since my last post. I am now in the next decade. I had a good birthday. We went to dinner and then out for a little bit. I was home by 10:30pm, but that was just fine with me.

The boys had opening day on Saturday, the 27th. That was an entire day spent at the baseball fields. Last night, they all had games back to back and across town from each other. We were gone from 5:30 to 9:45. Thank goodness we didn't have school today! The boys are really improving in all areas. I really think they are having fun out there, which is so important, and learning the game.

Today, I have to work, the boys will be at home, then we are heading to a friends to dye Easter eggs. I haven't even thought about Easter until today. Hopefully there will be some goodies left for me to fill their baskets with.

Any who...just wanted to catch ya up. Hope everyone has a great Easter!